Miss 'Know it all'
by JubJubFanFic
Summary: When a college student ventures out to a club one night with her friends; she's convinced she has never been in love and never will be until she meets the one and only Caspar Lee! Too drunk to function, she ends up sleeping with him. It's just a one night stand though - or is it? She finds herself meeting him more and more often. Was she falling in love?
1. Chapter 1

YouTube Fanfiction

Chapter 1: The first night

Phillippa's p.o.v

I queued up at the club, outside Paddington Train Station; I was waiting for my friend, Brooke. The sky was a dark navy blue and the stars freckled the atmosphere beautifully, the streets of London were alive tonight. Fresh puddles sprawled all over the British pavements. I looked down to observe my reflection; I was a tall brunette with long, brown curls and big green cat eyes. I was wearing tight-fitting black, cashmere dress, square-punched at the sides. The dress stopped just below my arse and my long legs fit neatly into a pair of black suede strappy high heels. I had dark, smoky make up on and my lips were coated in a dark lipstick.

The icy air gripped a tight hard around my legs, my skin rose into goose bumps and my teeth chattered violently. I approached the entrance to the club and my heart began racing, I was 16, technically I was underage but I always got away with it. I stepped forward and smiled at the man at the booth. He smiled back, obviously worked up by the customers. "17 years old" I said, clutching my purse in my sweaty palm. "Go on, right inside" he said, making attentive eye contact with me. "Thank You" I replied, laughing and giving him another plastic smile.

I entered into the club; Coconut Pyramid. Just at that moment my phone buzzed and I made my way to the bar and slipped up at the stool and checked my phone. It was Brooke. 'Long time no see ;)' she texted me, all of a sudden I was whipped round and came face to face with my best friend! Brooklyn Jones. "Brooke, I missed you so much!" I shrieked; then I was pulled into a tight hug and I laughed. "I missed you too Pippa!" she replied, pulling away and kissing me on the forehead. I turned around and faced the bar, banging the table. "Now then, what drinks are we gonna have?" I asked, "I'm going to have a martini please, what about you Phillippa?" she asked. "I'll have the same, thanks!" I said, to the bartender and to Brooke, smiling. Within a matter of seconds, our drinks had been juiced, crushed and sprinkled and suddenly appeared in front of us on the table. The music slowly started up and began to pounding through the air; I faced Brooke in the hazy light and we clinked glasses and muttered a serious 'cheers' before wolfing the lot down. "Now, you remember Pippa. Don't take drinks from strangers; always keep your bag closed; make sure you have enough money to get a taxi home and don't pee on the pavement!" She exclaimed, slightly tipsy, and twisting round her seat and dropping off. I followed her and we both approached the dance floor which had a small cluster of people on it. The music was loud and the bass beat in time with my heart. "I'll meet you back here in half an hour?" she leaned over to ask.

"It's on! I'm gonna wipe the floor with your face!" I replied, before stepping up to the dance floor and losing myself in the crowd. Now, the thing is I have the tiniest bladder! I have to pee all the time! I could drink a little bit of water and I would need to pee within ten minutes of drinking it! So... the combination of drinking a tall drink and violent exercise took its toll and it led to me having to make a mad dash to the toilet. I freaking hate this. I headed over to the ladies toilets and relieved myself hastily; I the slowly made it back out to the bar and ordered a spicy sambucca. I know, I know. But serai, serai. My sambucca arrived and I gulped it down fast. It was safe to say by this time, I was pretty drunk. I just sat at the bar for a while, trying to recooperate myself when a tall bleach-blonde hair leant on the bar and ordered a Smirnoff ice. I tucked my purse behind the bar and twisted round to face the crowd; it was a wild scene of flashing lights and drunken hooligans dancing and mooning each other. Welcome to life. It was at this point that I had another desperate wave of pain, in the urge to pee. I attempted to get up but slipped and fell a little but managed to grab onto the table before I fell completely. I slowly stood back up on both feet. Everything was dizzy and blurry, I then realized what was happening; I looked down at my feet to find that they were soaked in a warm liquid. Oh. I had peed already. Oh correction! I was peeing already! I hadn't realized how fragile my body was after all. How embarrassing! I just stood there while warm, yellow, steamy, urine was just falling out of my pee-hole. I looked over at the blonde guy at the bar who was laughing but immediately blushed and turned away to avoid awkward eye contact. Oh my god! I had literally no control over myself anymore! I sighed and made my way to the toilets again to clean up; I couldn't believe it happened but at the same time I was too drunk to fully comprehend how bad the situation was. Brooke had disappeared a while ago but I thought I better own up to my failure in not picking up/kissing any guys and go find her. So, wanting to forget the whole pee-accident; I moved into the dancing crowd to find her...

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hi guys, I've started a Caspar Lee/YouTuber fanfiction. Please let me know if you would like the next chapter As I am unsure whether or not to continue with it. Thanks xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Phillippa's p.o.v:

I couldn't find Brooke and somehow the music got to me and I lost control, I began dancing and singing the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I whipped my hair and spun round on my heels. It wasn't until I span around the second time and bumped into the same blonde guy from earlier at the bar, that I really started to lose it! He saw the accident! I took a step back cursing and turning away however, I still continued to dance and sing loudly. I whipped round and to find him still standing there, staring me up and down. I decided boys didn't have the monopoly on the 'staring thing' so I stared back and batted my eyelashes at him. I muttered under my breath and took a step closer to him, he held my shoulder and pulled me closer to him so he could speak directly into my ear. "I could hardly hear you but I'm going to assume that was an apology followed by a compliment on my good looks." He said, smiling cheekily. "Well, with confidence like that, I think you better buy me a drink, don't you?" I said, leaning into him so close I could smell his cologne. We headed off the dancefloor and ambled over to the bar. "I hope you're into sambucca then" he said, I could hear him more clearky now, and there was no need to lean in to each other. "No, I don't have a good experience with Sambucca's, can we have tequila's?" I asked, ruffling a hand through my hair and remembering how I wet myself earlier! "Oh I know! I saw, but anything for the lady who peed herself publicly!" he replied, smirking. I bet my lip. Damn. It seemed he knew but he didn't mind. He ordered two tequilas and then turned to face me.

"So, how come I haven't seen you round here before then?" he asked, leaning on the bar which happened to show off his very tanned biceps. Something about him seemed familiar but the fact that he'd just pointed out that none of us have seen eachother before refreshed in my mind that I couldn't possibly have met him before! His accent made me doubt it though... "Oh, I just haven't been to this club before..." I lied. He nodded, looking down and then back up again. "I'm Caspar, and you are?" he asked, extending his hand. "Caspar - the friendly ghost!" I exclaimed, laughing. "Shut up, I didn't catch your name though..." He pestered. "Phillippa... but I prefer Pippa" I said, trying to contain myself. Then our tequilas arrived. We held our glasses in our hands and said cheers; making deep eye contact. Caspar counted down. 3... 2... 1.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon. Repeat.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon. Repeat.

Salt. Tequila. Lemon. Finish.

By the time we had finsihed, we were absolutley hammered and falling about all over the place in hysterics. All of a sudden, the music changed. I stood bolt upright and gasped. "I fucking love this song!" I screamed, grasping Caspar's arm. We thundered into the

By the time we had finsihed, we were absolutley hammered and falling about all over the place in hysterics. All of a sudden, the music changed. I stood bolt upright and gasped. "I fucking love this song!" I screamed, grasping Caspar's arm. We thundered into the dancefloor and started dirty dancing, like wild animals. We were a lot closer this time. I kept teasing him, licking my lips or biting my fingers every once in a while. Then, I felt his hands round my waist and he pilled me up right next to him, his hands on my hips. I couldn't help but reach up and bury my hand in his blonde hair, then he flipped me round and grabbed my arse. I laughed and we started kissing, passionatley...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The following morning

Phillippa's p.o.v:

*The next day*

I woke up to the excruciatingly painful headache and the flashbacks of the night before pulsed around in my head. I stretched out my body; my feet hurt which meant I danced a lot; my voice croaked which meant I sang a lot; and I had to pee – this meant I drank a lot! I opened my mossy green eyes and sat up, everything ached. Christ. How could I do this to myself!? I looked across at the person next to me in bed... Caspar! Oh my god! Everything rushed to my head and the thing that I couldn't put my finger on last night finally broke through. It was Caspar Lee! The You Tuber! Oh God! I quickly peeked under the covers. Yep. All naked under there! Sighing and groaning, I sat up and tried to find something to cover my modesty before I left. However, all I could find was my black, lacy bra from the night before! I put it on slowly, not making any sound then climbed carefully out of bed, trying not to wake Caspar. Frantically, I panicked in search of my phone to call Brooke. She would be so freaking angry at me. I pulled out my iPhone and tried to call Brooke; but the battery was dead. Shit. What do I do? I climbed back over the bed, to try and find the rest of my clothes. I was balanced on the edge of the bed when I slipped and fell face-first, butt-naked on the floor of Caspar Lee's apartment! I heard a rustle of duvet and the husky voice of the handsome blonde boy I had slept with the night before, say "You're not leaving already are you?"

I clambered up clumsily laughing nervously and placing my hand over my privates, out of embarrassment. "No, no, I just needed the toilet!" I lied, well, I did need the toilet, but I was trying to escape just then. "Oh... take this!" Caspar said, throwing me a hoodie. I pulled the hoodie over my head and brushed my hair out of my face. I strolled lightly along the corridor floorboards until I found the toilet. I stood on the outside of the door, and after glancing round to see that there was not a soul in sight, I stretched forward to push the handle down. When suddenly the door swung open and in front of me stood a shirtless, bedraggled boy with dirty blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. I jumped back in surprise and he smiled at me. Wait. My eyes widened. Joe Sugg! Of course Caspar and Joe live together! " Hi. You must be Caspar's 'lady of the night'? I'm Joe." He said, extending his hand. I didn't know whether to feel offended or welcomed. Lady of the night!? Did Caspar often bring girls home then? I giggled nervously and shook his hand. "Yes – I know who you are! I'm Pippa!" I replied. He quickly moved out of the way and I walked through into the toilet and shut the door behind me. I heard the heavy footsteps of Joe as he went into Caspar's room...

*after toilet*

I peeked round the corner of Caspar's door to see if the coast was clear. No Joe around. I strut into his room and whipped the duvet off of Caspar. "Caspar!" I exclaimed, angry and slightly stunned by the naked Caspar laid out in front of me. God. He was hot. "What?" he asked, running a hand over his face and through his hair. "Your roommate just saw me!" I said, folding my arms. "So...?" he answered. "He could've seen me naked!" I said, pouting. "Then, he would have been a lucky man..." Caspar said, smirking. I leaned over and hit him lightly on the arm. "Prick" I said, under my breath. "What!?" he said again, laughing. I grunted and walked over to the kitchen to plug my phone in next to the toaster. My phone beeped and I turned round again to find Joe. I gasped. "Sorry! Do you want any breakfast?" he said, politely. Unlike Caspar. I nodded and replied with "Yes, please". Until I heard Caspar sit up in bed and shout "Stop trying to woo her Sugg, she's mine!" I smiled inside. His. Joe laughed and I laughed too for conversation sake. I glanced over at the clock. Shit. I had a lecture in 45 minutes! "Caspar! I have a lecture in 45 minutes – I've gotta go!" I said, jumping to a start. Joe slowly walked through to Caspar. I darted around the room collecting my things and tying up my hair. Caspar's face dropped. I grabbed my phone and stuffed them in my bra. Joe retreated to the door to give me some privacy. "What am I going to wear!?" I called, freaking out. "Do you want to borrow some of my clothes?" Caspar asked, nicely. "Yes please! But where is my underwear?" I quiz again. Caspar just laughed and pointed to the chandelier. "We got a bit carried away over there last night..." Caspar said between giggles. I blushed and unhooked them. Looking around at Joe, I saw that he blushed too. I slid them on under the hoodie and stole Caspar's jeans, rolling them up at the ankles because they were 5 sizes too big for me! Plunging my feet into a pair of Caspar's red converses, I headed towards the door. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail and tugged a beanie onto my head. Caspar followed me to the door and kept trying to hug me. I laughed. "Get off Caspar! I really have to go!" I exclaimed. Then I remembered my glasses. I sometimes wore glasses for reading. I pinched my glasses out of my clutch bag and put them on my face.

"What are these!?" Caspar questioned, mocking me and pulling a funny face at me. "My glasses. I need them, now, I need your number." I said, opening the door in preparation to leave. "You've already got it; I put it in your phone when you went to the toilet." Caspar confirmed, pulling me into a hug. "Okay. Be good, bye Caspar!" I replied, before tearing myself away from him and stepping out into London and slamming the door behind me. I glanced back down at my watch. I had 15 minutes to get there. Oh no.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey guys, next chapter?

xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 CLFF: Explanations

I burst through the door of the lecturing hall and found a seat next to my best friend Brooke. A few heads turned and gave displeasing looks. Embarrassed, I hung my head low and quietly pulled out my phone, the lecturer hardly noticed me and just continued with his lecture on 'advertisement in the media today' Brooke looked at me. Obviously pissed. I gave her an apologetic look back; she then scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. It read: 'Where were you!?' in furious hand writing. I took the piece folded it on half and took notes on that and resorted to texting Brooke instead, now that my phone worked. The conversation was as follows:

Sorry! I was so drunk, I went back with a stranger last night! My phone died, forgive me? Xx

She replied:

Does your mum know?

I sighed and sent:

No, why would she? And where did you go last night?

She sent me:

I went home...

I looked at the message and smiled, tucking my phone away. The lecturer droned on for another good hour before we were allowed to leave. All the students exited the hall and spilled out into the university gardens. Brooke caught up with me and hugged me tight. "So...? What happened!?" she asked, excitedly. "Oh well, you will never guess what happened!" I said, folding my arms. "Let me guess... You drank. You danced. You kissed. You left. You fucked. You forgot." She said, in short sentences. I giggled. "Pretty much!" I said, nodding enthusiastically. "What's his name?" she questioned. "Caspar Lee..." I replied, biting my lip. "Wait... Caspar Lee! The YOUTUBER!?" she screamed, jumping on the spot. "Yeah! I know!" I answered, stopping with her. "Do you reckon he'll tape it and vlog it!" she asked, smiling cheekily. I gasped. "No! No! That's creepy! He's not like that – he's actually... really nice." I said. "Just a onetime thing though, right?" she said, suddenly concerned. "Mmmhmmm.." I replied, remembering I kept his number, Oh well.

*Three days later*

I still hadn't received a single text from Caspar. Not one word. Had he forgotten me? Who am I kidding? He was a famous you tuber, and I was one girl of the many he took home with him. I should forget it. I sipped my tea nonchalantly; silence weaved through the air. "Oi!" Brooke violently nudged me. My elbow slipped off the table and I shook my tea, spilling it over my hands and top. "Sorry Pippa. You just look so... different. Sad. What's the matter?" Brooke asked, mopping me up. I shook my head, putting my tea down and pushing it away. "Nothing" I sighed. Brooke sat down abruptly. "PIPPA! Don't piss about with me. Is it Caspar?" she asked, venomously. I winced at his name. "No! No, it's not that. I'm just tired and feeling unwell." I lied, giving Brooke a fake smile and taking my mug out into the kitchen. Of course it was Caspar. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I hadn't texted him. I was trying to play hard to get and I've never struggled so much before though. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the conversation with Caspar and texted him: Hey

Within a matter of seconds, he replied: Finally I thought you'd forgotten about me. I blushed and grabbed my car keys on the way out of my house. I started up the engine and tore down the road and round the corner.

I arrived just a road away from Leonardo Road. Caspar's street. I parked the car and shivering stepped out into the cold British air. The wind ran a breezy hand through my barky curls and I pulled the hood up on Caspar's hoodie that I was wearing. Flippantly, I strolled down the road facing Caspar's, passing coffee shops, bakeries and Off Licenses. When all of a sudden a stranger approached me and said: "Um... excuse me. I think you're wearing my hoodie!" I turned around, recognizing the familiar accent and staring straight back in the face was him. Caspar. I squealed and jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. He laughed, squeezing me back. "Miss me?" Caspar asked again. I breathed in his rich smell and smiled. Caspar put me down and we strode back to Caspar's together, until he suddenly pulled me into a dark side road; more like an alleyway. I giggled. "Caspar! Where are we going?" I asked, getting breathless from all the running. Suddenly, he pulled me into a kiss. His lips were soft and peachy; his mouth was warm and so inviting in comparison to the cold, winter air. I quickly pulled out, gasping for breath. His breath was minty and fresh, I found myself kissing him again. His hands reached up to my face and cupped my head, his thumbs either side of my nose. "Come on, back to mine?" Caspar asked, pulling me by the hand. I still can't believe I'm with the one and only. Caspar Lee.

We arrived at Caspar's about 10 minutes later. "Coffee?" he asked, hanging up our coats. I thought about it. " Or champagne...?" he asked, grinning. I nodded, feeling genuinely happy again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 CLFF

*The following morning*

I woke to the soothing feeling of a strong hand running through my hair; playing with my curls and lifting my fringe out of my face. Flickering my eyes open, I heard the familiar breathing of him. Caspar. I didn't even need to look but I broke into a smile just thinking about him. He laughed and I slowly rolled over, grunting and twisting the duvet with me. It felt early and my memory from last night was hazy. "Did you sleep well?" Caspar's voice broke the silence; I heard him but had no energy to speak. I grunted again. "I'll take that as a yes" he said, I could hear him smiling as he said it. Then, he stood up and wandered off to the kitchen. How long am I gonna keep doing this? It was a onetime thing! What am I doing?

I had a sudden urge to run to the toilet, standing up with a headache I wobbled across to the toilet. Once I'd finished; I left and walked quietly into the lounge sitting on the couch.

Caspar was in the shower and I could faintly hear his deep, rugged, south-African voice singing along to the radio. I loved it but I could barely crack a smile, I felt wrong today for some reason. I felt sick; my stomach was in knots – what's wrong with me? The silence gnawed away at my soul and my eyelids drooped heavily. I lay down carefully and rested my head on my elbow and my heart pounded and I slowly drifted off to sleep... until suddenly I felt the cold, wet hands of Caspar round my face and I screamed. I felt his hands and they were like ice cubes on my warm neck. My face went up in goose bumps and I started to breath quicker. I whipped round to find Caspar in a towel from the waist down and his broad, tanned chest glistening from the shower water. I smiled up at him and he leaned in to kiss me; I laughed because it made me happy. I pulled away and stood up when all of a sudden I felt dizzy, the blood rushed to my head and I fought to stay in conscience as I hit the ground hard and vomited everywhere.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Let me know if you want the next chapter or not?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 CLFF:

*Phillipa's p.o.v*

The pain was unbearable and I could feel the burning acid in my throat, I coughed and broke into tears violently. Time slowed and my lungs shrank to the size of fists, I could barely breathe. I then saw Caspar drop to the floor next to me with a fateful look on hid face. He was screaming "PHILLIPA!" but his voice didn't reach me until I regained my senses. Ringing pulsed through my head but the sound of Caspar calling out to me grew louder. I blinked and took a deep breath. Everything felt numb, even still, I pulled strength together: I clambered up and Caspar gripped my arm. "Pippa, come on." He warned me, picking my up and carrying me in his arms. Tears streamed down my face, gushing out of my eyes and falling into my lap. Caspar comforted me and knelt me on the floor of the bathroom by the toilet in case I threw up again; then suddenly he disappeared. Slowly, I picked up focus again, my hearing was complete and I was no longer dizzy. However; I looked down at my legs and they were pale and blotchy. I felt like my stomach was settled now and I ran a hand through my bedraggled hair. Where the hell was Caspar?

Just as I thought this Caspar rushed into the room, now dressed and contemplating a concerned look on his face. "Pippa – I cleaned the lounge, sorry it took so long. Are you okay? What's going on?" He asked, worry in his voice. I smiled. "I'm fine, don't know what it was but I'm gonna shower." I said, he looked more relieved. "Okay, that's a good idea, then breakfast?" he quizzed. I felt sick to the bargain and knew I couldn't fit a thing down but I nodded even so.

*after shower*

I dried myself down, dressed and strolled into the kitchen to see Caspar pacing the floor, as i cleared my throat he whipped round and his face lit up. I tugged him into a hug and he relaxed on my shoulders; leaning on me. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. I sighed and nodded as he buried his chin into my neck. Caspar was reassured and went off to make breakfast. I walked away when a deep thought that had been plaguing my mind for a few days approached me again and I rushed to my bag to find a pregnancy slip. Tucking it into my bra; I slipped into the bathroom again. My hands were shaking vigorously but I forced my fingers into the packet and tore it apart. A tab fell out and I gripped it tightly in my hand as I unbuckled my belt... Once I was finished I cleaned myself up and set my tab down for 3 minutes. Then; biting my nails and shifting from one foot to another; I waited. Thoughts poured through my mind; I wanted to cry but I had to keep myself together. I swung round and pinched the tab, deliberately pressing my thumb over the end and waited. What if it was positive? It would change everything. These two little lines would change the rest of my life. I moved my thumb away to see two blood red lines. Positive. I paused. I'm pregnant.

I didn't know what to think. I am pregnant; with Caspar Lee's baby. Questions scampered round my head. What do I do now? Do I tell Caspar? I sat down. Head in hands. Sweat dripped down my forehead and I felt sick again. Morning sickness. This couldn't be real. I had to be dreaming – I turned to the toilet thinking I was going to throw up but I didn't. I wanted to tell Caspar but I was scared. Salty tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks. All of a sudden, I heard Caspar knock on the bathroom door, "Pippa?" he announced, sounding worried. "Y-y-yeahh.." I replied quickly, wiping away my tears and sniffing deeply, to try and hide my meltdown. I tidied away the tab and composed myself – I was suddenly worried about what I would say to explain myself. "You okay in there? Have you been sick again?" he asked, hand on the door knob. I could see the shadow of his feet under at the door. He stopped breathing to wait for my answer. I broke the silence. "No, one second." I uttered – I stood by the door and opened it to see Caspar. I gave him a fake smile and nodded. "You look like you've been crying.. You've been in there ages Pippa, what happened?" he asked, I could hear the under-lying worry in his deep, strong South-African accent. "Nothing – I just needed the toilet." I lied. He frowned. "I don't believe you... What's wrong?" He said, seriously. My heart shattered. He took a step closer and my heart pounded in my weak chest. I looked down at my feet and my breathing became shaky. "Caspar.." I started but slipped into a tear or two.

I clenched his hand. "Pippa – what is it?" he persisted, I avoided eye contact for a matter of seconds before blurting out "Caspar. I'm – I'm pregnant." I said. He stopped. He froze like ice. He hugged me. My heart fluttered in my chest. "What do I do?" I cried, I tried to stop the tears, after all I'd cried enough today but they burst their way out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them."How do you know?" he quizzed. I felt hopeless. "I just took a pregnancy test –after this morning I thought I ought to check." I stated. Caspar held my hands pressing them to his chest and hauling himself out of the hug. "Phillipa, don't you worry. We're gonna work this out, okay? Whatever happens, I promise to stay. I will support you in whatever you choose to do." He said, looking me deep in the eye. His voice cracked. I forgot how much pressure this would put on him too. "Thank you.." I whispered, I shut my eyes tight and crinkled my nose. He was a god-send. I felt so thankful, scared, pressured, lucky all at once.

We made our way into the lounge and settled on the couch. "I won't leave you Pippa, I promise you." He finished. I smiled and lay down with him. "What do you wanna do now? I take it you don't want breakfast..?" He said again, I nodded and shrugged. "Out for Coffee?" He asked. I nodded.

*Starbucks*

Steam fluttered upwards from my coffee cup, twirling and spiralling in beautiful patterns, but they were quickly ravaged once Caspar waved his hand around in front of me, trying to get my attention, the cloud disappeared. "Hello?" he questioned. I raised my eyebrows and he stared back at me, emphatically. "What?" I challenged, curious as to why he often did this. "You're beautiful" he said, running a hand through his bleach-blonde hair and leaning back. I wanted to lose myself in Caspar but every time I let myself go, I was constantly reminded of what happened. Caspar's whole life is ruined because of me and he feels obligated to stand by me. This baby now takes priority... unless. I terminated it. Would I do that? I was a battlefield of emotions inside. I sat there, biting my nails like a crazy girl. Caspar smiled at me but I was so broken I couldn't even force a smile. Wow. That's the first.

I sipped my coffee, miserably. Here I am sat in front of the love of my life, drinking my favourite thing and I feel like the most distraught person on earth. "What can I do to make you happy?" Caspar asked, innocently. I laughed, his face lit up. "I'm sorry – I love you so much Caspar!" I said, cheering up a little. "I love you too." He said, smiling and sticking his tongue out at me. "Home?" he asked, even though I'd barely started my coffee. It was comfort coffee really. "Yeah, home." I imitated, craving my bed.

*Caspar's crib – 4 hours of Netflix and ice cream later*

We lay in bed, silently until Caspar poisoned the silence. "He or she would be beautiful... just like you." He said, taking shallow breaths. I punched him in the arm playfully and he laughed. I placed my hands on my tummy that was flat and defunct. "I'm gonna keep you and I'm gonna love you – whatever you are little baby." I whispered. Caspar grinned. "Cute." He said and kissed me on the forehead. I wanted to cry tears of happiness. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

*the following morning*

I woke up and sat up in bed, dizziness whirled me round as I struggled to stand on two feet. Maybe I couldn't cope this? My feelings had changed overnight. I made my way over to the window and drew the curtains open. Sunlight poured into the room and I saw that the garden was covered in a rusty, feuillemort surface. Autumn had arrived.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey guys – please give me feedback and let me know if you are enjoying it!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Caspar was still sleeping when I made my way out to the kitchen to make coffee. I was in the mood for a day out and I planned to visit my cousins who lived locally in this area. I hadn't planned my day to avoid Caspar – I just thought some space would do us both good, so we can clear our heads. It was only 9:45 am and I wanted to get out early so I showered, dressed and packed. I was going to leave Caspar a voice message but just as I was about to go out of the door I heard a yawn and then the sound of a lanky but muscular blonde boy tumble out of bed and march downstairs. "Pippa!" Caspar called out for me. "Yeah?" I replied, reluctantly from the door. Caspar turned round and walked through to the hallway looking confused. "Where are you going?" He asked, scratching his head and stretching. He was so cute and his washing-rack body and his cute, soothing smile made me want to stay but I needed some space. "I was going to go and stay out for the night, for some space..." I said, my voice trailing off. Caspar's face fell. "What have I done? I don't want you to go..." he said, pouting. I melted inside, and dropping my bags I hugged him. He was warm and his body skin was soft. "Why don't you stay here? You're on study leave." He asked me, still hugging me, his chin resting over my left shoulder. "What do you mean?" I wondered. "I kinda forgot to tell you but there's gonna be a birthday bash here for Joe tomorrow, he's bringing his girlfriend Rachel and I would love you to be there as my girlfriend. There are gonna be some of the YouTube crew here and there is an O2L concert the next day. You can stay some more nights if you want..." he said, smiling. I could hear it in his voice. "Yeah. I'd like that" I said, he broke the hug and I grinned enthusiastically at him, "Good" Caspar replied, and kissed me, taking the bags out of my hands. We went through to the lounge where I found Caspar's planning for a video from the other night. Caspar is nearing 3 million subscribers. I can't believe it – I'm so proud of him. "I haven't actually asked you – what do you think of my channel?" he asked, finding me engrossed his video-planning. "I think it's amazing Caspar and I am so proud of you." I said, grinning. We turned round and headed for the couch and the TV.

We lay quietly and comfortably, all to be heard was the sound of our breathing bodies – I looked over at Caspar and he winked at me, baring his beautiful blue eyes. I couldn't help but break out into a smile, he smiled back. I don't think I could love him more.

*The following day*

I went into the bathroom, I was about to do something serious, dangerous and very sad. Caspar was out buying ice cream for me which I'd begged for. I closed the door behind me and took out my pill. I was going to do it. I poured myself some water and stood, appreciating what exactly, I was about to do and the consequences of it. I pinched the pill in two fingers and forced it down my throat, and gulped the water down. Tears leaked from my eyes. I'm sorry: I prayed. I'm so going to hell for this. I didn't want to tell Caspar this because he'd freak and I didn't want to lose him. He would figure it all out soon if he couldn't find a bump though? Well, I couldn't think about that now. I had to prepare for tonight. This would be my first impression in front of Caspar's friends and I needed to contain myself. I never dreamed in a million years that I would be here. Just as I was finished, I heard Caspar walk in the front door and the excitement buzzed inside of me. I swung the door open and smiled in his face. "Phillippa!" he approached me and pulled me into a hug. "Caspar – I am so excited for tonight." I exclaimed. Caspar quickly pulled his shopping bag away and put it down behind him. "Did you get the ice cream? You took forever" I said, looking up at him. "Yeah, urmmm..." Caspar said suspiciously. "What?" I laughed. "I had to quickly grab a few other things." He excused himself. I was worried. I looked at him and he stared back, smiling. "Caspaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar...!" I said, wondering what he was hiding in the bag as he was shuffling away. He ran into the lounge, refusing to let me see. "Caspar!" I whined, laughing and chasing him into the lounge. He held the bag behind him and shook his head laughing. What was he hiding? I lunged forward and snatched the bag off of him, running into the bedroom. I gripped it close to my chest and shut the door behind me quickly. Opening the bag, I saw the lace of a white satin and silk piece of clothing, curious; I reached into the bag and pulled out the most beautiful white lace dress! Along with it; came a pair of white suede heels and a cream rose flower crown. The label on the inside read: "Pippa" I smiled and Caspar strode in. "Caspy!" I exclaimed, hugging him tighter than ever before. "Do you like it?" he asked, shyly, he pulled out his own black shirt that had a white satin tie loosely hung round it and 'Caspar' inscribed on the label. "I love it" I replied. It was only 3pm and the bash started at 7pm but I wanted to start getting ready so I showered, in Caspar's shower and lay my clothes out on the bed.

*7pm*

Caspar and I were ready and waiting for guests to arrive; but we quickly slipped into the bathroom to take a selfie together. Caspar hugged me and I held the camera out in front of us and snapped a photo of us grinning, cheekily. I captioned it: "With the bae" and uploaded it. Just then, the doorbell rang and Louis arrived, dreadlocks and camo vest top. He was invited in and offered drinks. I paused in the bathroom, shaking off my nerves before I stepped into the hallway and found that Louis, Caspar and Joe were in the lounge drinking and talking. The doorbell rang again and I called to Caspar: "I'll get it!" I swung the door open and there were Zoe and Alfie! I paused, stunned, I couldn't believe it was them. "You must be Phillippa!" Zoe said, extending a hand. I shook her hand and nodded enthusiastically. "How did you k-" I was interrupted. "Caspar goes on about you all. The. Freaking. Time!" Alfie added. I blushed and opened the door further for them to come in. Just after they'd walked through to the lounge, Jim and Tanya turned up on the doorstep, beaming faces. They waltzed in as well. Then a crowd of faces gathered around the door and barged in. I noticed a few people – Jack and Finn and Marcus. I shook Marcus's hand. Then Jack and Finn walked up and said 'hello' overwhelmingly. That seemed to be everyone until I closed the door and once again the doorbell rang. I opened the door yet again, to see a blonde girl with wavy light hair and bright blue eyes. "Hi, I'm Rachel – Joe's date!" she said, sweetly. I opened the door wider and she tottered in carefully. "Go through into the lounge..." I said, shutting the door and following her in. You know the feeling you get when you walk into a room and everyone just stops and stairs at you, as if they were just talking about you? Yeah. "And this is her. My beautiful girlfriend... Pippa" Caspar said, obviously drunk. He laughed and tried to hug me. I pushed him away. "Caspar... you're drunk!" I explained. "Yeah...so? Turn down for what?" he giggled, south-africanly. Everyone jeered and took a drink. "To Pippa?" Caspar toasted. "To Pippa!" they joined in – I smiled and slipped away into the bed room and sat on the bed. The room was dark but I needed a minute to calm down, it was all a bit overwhelming. I could hear them. The famous voices I only previously heard their voices over YouTube. How did this even happen? All of a sudden the door opened and someone fumbled for me in the dark. It was Zoe. "Are you okay?" she whispered. I flinched a little and nodded. Then realizing she couldn't see me nod, I quickly responded with: "Yeah..." feeling stupid. "Are you just a bit overwhelmed?" she quizzed. "Yeah" I said again, she nodded. "I guessed so..." she said, kindly. "Come on" she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back into the hallway. Music pounded through the air and the whole group were dancing cheerfully when I entered. "You'll be fine – I heard you're quite the party animal" she teased and returned to Alfie. All of a sudden I caught eyes with another girl and made my way over to her to try and make friends. "Pippa!" she squealed and squeezed me tightly, martini in one hand. "You know my name?" I asked. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. "Yes. Caspar never stops talking about you... it's kinda sweet actually" she said. I sipped my champagne and looked over in his direction. He was joking around with Jack and Finn. "What's your name?" I asked her. "Jade" she replied with, shaking my hand. "And you're here with Marcus?" I asked her. She blushed and smiled. "Do you know anyone here?" she asked, and I shook my head. "Wow! You're brave! Only you and Caspar then?" she teased as well. I laughed under my breath. Then Caspar approached me. "Drink?" he asked. I felt welcomed and wanted to have fun so accepted and gulped his drink down quickly. Caspar pulled me close and Jade disappeared back into the crowd. Then, before I knew it; his lips were on mine and we kissed and danced to the music. Not a care in the world. Suddenly, the drinks started to get to me and I began dancing uncontrollably. Caspar danced with me and I kept laughing. I was so happy... we were interrupted by Finn who asked if I would dance with him. "No – piss off Jack!" Caspar cried. "It's Finn!" he cried and slowly walked away to get another drink I assume. I looked around to see most people coupled up and dancing hysterically to the music. Jade and Marcus had disappeared off to the kitchen, as had Rachel and Joe to his room. I saw Zoe and Alfie deeply engrossed in an intense lip-locking and selfie taking session on the sofa. I turned my attention back to Caspar and closed my eyes.

*An hour or two and a couple of drinks later*


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

I was sat on Caspar's lap and we were laughing hysterically, several You Tubers had been playing beer pong earlier that evening and Zoe asked me to vlog her and Alfie. I vlogged them and felt happy to be a part of the YouTube family. "Want to take this into the bedroom?" Caspar asked, playing with my hair. We left and went into the bedroom, Caspar planting kisses up my neck as he held my face. "Let's do this..." I said, giggling. Caspar paused. "Wait... what about the baby?" he whispered, suddenly focused and serious. "No, it's fine." I said, trying to change the subject. "What do you mean?" he asked, not understanding. "It's gone Caspar..." I said, lifting up his shirt and kissing his chest. "Phillippa" he said, pulling my hands away. "What the hell Pippa? What did you just say!?" he reacted, holding my arms up. "I terminated it – Caspar – I killed it!" I said, snapping at him. "YOU WHAT PIPPA!?" He shouted, standing up and towering over me slightly. He raised his hand and for one scary and mind-numbing moment I thought he was going to hit me. I screamed and flinched but no one heard. Frustrated, Caspar walked away. "I'm fucking sorry Caspar!" I said, outrageously drunk. "I can't believe you – WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!?" He shouted, drunk as well. I burst into tears and stormed out of the room and out of the front door. Zoe and Alfie heard what was happening and came out into the hallway. Caspar spoke with them whilst I strut off, I was so angry. It was my choice and he said he would support me whatever I do! "I'll leave then!" I shouted. "As if I fucking give a shit!" he bellowed from the porch. It was pitch black and I began to quicken my pace as I could hear Caspar chasing after me. I looked left and right, sure that there were no cars. I stepped out into the road and heard Caspar yell "PIPPA!" I whipped round before I suddenly saw the bright headlights of a range rover that hit me. I fell to the floor, unconscious. The last thing I remember was Caspar running towards me, and I slipped into darkness.

*The next day*

I woke up to the rustling around of flowers from a nurse at my bedside. I flickered my eyes open and she beamed a smile in my face. "Where am I?" I croaked. She giggled. "Gee, how hard were you hit?" she asked, I sat up. "What? Hit by what?" I worried. "Okay" the nurse said, hastily making her way over to me. She pulled a mini flashlight out of her pocket and shone it in my eye, lifting my eyelid up too. I pushed her away. "You were hit by a car last night!" she finished. My eyes widened. Flashbacks of last night played in my head. "What!?" I cried. I don't remember that. And it scares me. "Well, maybe you should sit back in bed – it's a miracle that you're even alive!" the nurse suggested and then left. The flowers on my desk were labelled "To Pippa, love Zoe, Alfie & the YouTube Crew" placing my hand on my head. I winced as the pain stung strongly. I could feel a gash in my head and I leaned over to pick up a mirror and see. What I saw turned my complexion paper white. My face was pale white and the dark circle under my eyes put weight on my face. The gash was blood red and stained my face – I looked like hell. Feeling lost and uncoordinated, I closed my eyes to get some sleep.

*The following morning*

I'd had several naps since I'd been admitted to hospital, and I was ready to leave now. Just as I thought that, the nurse strolled in. A different one from yesterday. Or was it? I couldn't remember.

"Urmmm... excuse me. Can I leave now? I think I've been here long enough." I explained, but as I was saying this I began to worry about where I would go and who I would see. I couldn't remember what happened fully last night but I could remember shouting at Caspar. "You've just recovered from a concussion... so I think so. Is there anyone you would like me to telephone?" she asked, sweetly. I opened my mouth to say "Yes" with Caspar in mind but I quickly remembered the night before and said "No". A tear slid down my face. I'm tired of tears. The nurse left and I sat in silence. Machines beeping every now and then. So I changed clothes and gathered my things when I received a phone call from Jade. I answered it and heard her. "Phillippa. I'm coming to pick you up now, do you want to stay at mine?" she asked, I really didn't have a choice. "Yes please" I whispered, trying to hold back more tears.

*Back at Jade's*


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

The kettle rumbled and Jade poured me a cup of tea; I sat and stared into space, emotionless. Or rather full of emotions but not sure which ones to follow. "Pippa... please talk" Jade said, putting her hand on mine and squeezing, sympathetically. "Jade... I've lost him over an argument... and I can't even remember why!?" I said, breaking into tears yet again. "Pippa... don't you worry. We'll work this out; I'm gonna look after you for now and I'm gonna treat you, okay?" she affirmed. I cried even harder; feeling guilty that she thought she should. Why am I always a burden? "Thank You Jade!" I said, jumping into a hug with her. "Come on, let's go and get a snack in town!" she said, standing up and standing me up with her. "Okay – can I shower first though?" I asked her, shyly. "Of course you can – make yourself at home!" she said, cheerily. "Thanks bae, you're the big sister I never had!" I said, grinning at her. "N'awwh!" she replied, giggling and I went on to shower. Once I'd finished; I dried myself down in Jade's room. I'd picked out a white, floral, fitted cashmere dress and white, lacy heels. I left the room to have breakfast with Jade; she was wearing a bronze and navy playsuit with black strapped and bronze buttoned heels. She looked beautiful. We made small-talk over breakfast and caught the bus into town. "Are you not with Marcus today?" I quizzed her, feeling bad that she wasn't with him. "No, he's in London for two days working on his merch!" she replied. We continued; visiting so many shops and we strode all over the high street, laughing and lugging bags from one shop to the next. We picked up catalogues and leaflets from everywhere; we smelt of hundreds of different perfume samples all over our bodies.

*Dinner time (about 6) at Jade's place*

"Thank you for today Jade – I loved it!" I thanked her, gratefully. She gave me a cuddle and we settled down for a movie. Halfway through the movie; I received a text from Caspar:

Pippa, I love you. I'm sorry – do you want to talk?

I was about to reply when Jade looked across at me; clothed in a Frosties Tiger onesie and a hot chocolate in hand; she raised her eyebrows. "You are not texting him on Netflix night!?" she argued, she ran across the room and snatched my phone out of my hand and stuffed it in her bra! "Oh come on! Jade – that's not fair!" I exclaimed; getting up and chasing her round the flat. "Nooooo! I will not allow it. You can talk to him tomorrow, although in my opinion you should give it a few days..." she said, serious now. I stopped. "Do you really think so?" I asked her, feeling sad about it. "I really think so..." she said, giving me a sympathetic smile and extending her hands for a hug. I walked into her arms for a cuddle and she squeezed me. She gave the best hugs. I decided I trusted her and took her advice on ignoring Caspar for a few days. But it happened to be the longest few days of my life. In that time, I received 12 text messages and 4 missed calls from him and I really missed him but I had this uncontrollable anger inside of me. What the hell do I do now?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

*Monday afternoon*

I sat with Jade in front of the TV when I was scrolling through my YouTube news feed; this was the first time I'd touched YouTube since the accident and I felt so guilty for it but I knew it would hurt. It did. Like hell. My heart pounded as I noticed that Caspar had uploaded, his video was captioned: I lost her. Without thinking; I left the room and went to the toilet, locking myself in the toilet and putting my feet up on the toilet seat. I pressed the thumbnail and watched the video with my earphones in. Caspar appeared on the screen, his blonde hair was matte and flat, his blue eyes dim and cloudy. I could see he was tired; really tired. He sighed before starting "Hi guys, I'm sorry but today's video is not going to be with your normal, chirpy Caspar. So if you don't want to be disappointed, then click off now" he said, gulping. He didn't start with his usual introduction which made me think he was upset, his eyes were bloodshot and his voice was shaky "So recently I was a bit foolish and I made some mistakes with a person, I did some wrong things and I said some wrong things. I reacted in a bad way to a situation that I should have been gracious and loving in. As a result of this, I lost someone. They didn't die but they left me... and I would have left me to be honest because U was a fucking bastard." He said, his eyes glistening with tears, I began to break down into tears as well. "And it was the worst mistake I've ever made." "Oh Caspar..." I whispered under my breath and my tears. "I know you guys are very influential and you care about me a lot. Now please, if you care enough about me to bring this person back to me then comment, share, reply, retweet, post, message or something saying "Pippacomeback. I know there are so many of you out there. Let's try and get this to the top hash tag worldwide guys and to the person I'm trying to reach, if you're out there watching this, you know who you are and I want you to know, I love you and I'm sorry. And I swear to God I want you back 100%. I love you, I love you..." he said and the screen faded out. The video finished and I pulled out my earphones and I realized Jade was banging on the bathroom door. I quickly unlocked it and Jade rushed in to hug me. It turns out I was crying louder than I thought I was and Jade thought something was wrong. "Jade... his video. He said he wants me back!" I exclaimed, crying and wailing. I decided to clear myself up and go see him.

It was already pretty late and I was extremely tried and this was the last thing I wanted to do but I still have hope for Caspar. For us. I drove into Leonardo Street and walked the same way to Caspar's place. The sun set slowly over the quay and I walked quickly through the streets, past people and cars. I was still wearing Caspar's hoodie, his cologne strong and tangy on the hood of his jumper. The clouds merged over me but the sun was shining in my heart. I turned up at Caspar's apartment and rang the doorbell, Caspar rushed to the door and opened it, tears escaped from his eyes onto his cheeks. "Caspar..." I said, he pulled me into a warm, redeeming hug. "Pippa, can you ever forgive me?" he asked, tears sliding straight down his face. "Of course I can, I love you Caspar..." I said, I laughed lightly and rushed into a kiss. Caspar placed his hands round my waist and then ran his hands through my hair – I felt alive again. I was complete. His lips were soft and massaged my mouth, Caspar took control and I began to smile through the kiss. Caspar broke away. "Thank You Pippa..." he said, trying to excuse himself. "Shut up..." I said, putting my finger to his lips and he smiled and picked me up in the bridal position, carrying me into the house...


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

*A week later*

"Hi guys. My name is Caspar Le and recently I made a video asking you guys to help me get my friends back and you guys did it and I love you guys! She's back to stay and I would like you all to meet her: Ladies and gentlemen, this is my sweetheart Pippa. Isn't she beautiful?" Caspar said, introducing me to his viewers and subscribers. It had been a week since Caspar and I got back together and I was more in love with him than ever. Every time he looked at me with his big moon-glow eyes and they fixed on me in a mournful state, every time he said my name, every time he hugged me and every time he pulled me into a kiss. I just got butterflies.

*half an hour later*

Caspar finished filming and came to join me on my bed, "Hey bae" I said to him, smiling. My soul smiled with him. Caspar laughed and belly flopped onto me and began tickling my tummy, that reminded me of what I did and I suddenly became very protective. Caspar looked at me "I thought you would do it, I just didn't think that it would be so soon – I kind of hoped I'd have time to persuade you not to do it... he or she would've been so beautiful and I kind of looked forward to being called Daddy Lee!" he said, we laid together staring up at the white, pasty ceiling. All of a sudden, Caspar's phone rang wildly, he picked it up. "Ah Sugg!" he answered, cheerfully. Their conversation lasted less than a minute and consisted of mostly 'yes's' and 'no's'. They finally hung up and Caspar turned to me. "The YouTube Crew are going out to dinner in about an hour and a half to a fancy restaurant, wanna be my date missus?" he asks, confidently. I laughed and said "Yeah - of course. I even bought this black/dusty pink lace dress the other day too – Shall I wear?" I said, growing excited. Caspar made me fajitas and potato wedges as a snack before we washed and dressed. Caspar put on a new black button-up shirt which I bought him the other day. I turned down his collar and brushed down his cheeks and face, his eyes shined and I ran my fingers through his rough blonde hair. Caspar was a little taller than me but that made me like it more that I had to reach up. Caspar giggled and looked at his watch and raised his eyebrows whilst I styled his hair... "Let's go?" he said and we headed out of the door. Caspar unlocked his white polo matiz and we climbed inside quickly. I turned up the radio and 'someone like you' blared through the speakers. It didn't take us long to get there but once we arrived at the restaurant we bumped into Joe, Jade, Marcus, Zoe and Alfie before we went inside and booked a table. Caspar held my hand tightly and we interlocked our fingers, and sat down at the end of the table. Caspar ordered a pizza, I was going to order a pizza too but Caspar interrupted me "Oh, why don't we order a pizza together?" Caspar asked. "You would share a PIZZA with me?" I exclaimed, over exaggerating. "Yeah, I know. You should feel special. Pizza is my favourite thing next to you!" Caspar's voice trailed off.

We received a large margarita pizza between the two of us and managed to finish it, although after two slices I had to stop eating because I was so full. Caspar kept going through and even ordered an ice cream sundae after that. Oh my god, he was a human dustbin! He would eat everything and anything. We spent the evening chatting and reminiscing old YouTube events when I was a viewer and fan of the people who are sitting right across the table from me. I am feeling so lucky to be here.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

*Monday the following week*

I arrived at Uni; feeling guilty for avoiding it for so long. Caspar said he's help me with my essay and coursework projects. I had a couple of case studies to catch up with and I left them at Caspar's. Oops. I texted him: You couldn't drop my case studies in, could you? I think it's under the fruit bowl..." I messaged him. He instantly replied. "Sure thing can't stay away anyway – I miss you too much!" I smiled and rushed to the canteen. I walked down the vast corridor, bouncing in my steps. Happiness radiating from my stride. I made it into the cafeteria/canteen and walked along the selection of hot foods laid out on the table. Everything. From pizza to pasta. Pie to curries. One thing that I Iove about Uni – the food. Everything was gonna work today. It has to.

Until I suddenly bumped into him. My past flashed in front of me – all the pain and all the tears. It was him, he was the reason I left my previous high school. The arse that I ended our turbulent relationship with, well, it was barely a relationship. Alek. I dated Alek for a year about two February's ago. He damaged me in ways I wasn't experienced in, we ended on a very bad note where I'd stopped him bullying and abusing me. Since university, I had moved on and started afresh and got my confidence back. Now this. Time froze and I stumbled back; feeling intimidated. Alek towered above me; he seemed dark and dangerous, his jet black hair whipped round his head emphasizing his huge eye sockets and gaunt cheeks. This struck fear into my heart. All of a sudden, the boy behind me pushed forward and I barged past people into a clear space outside of the cafeteria. I'd lost my appetite. This ruined me, I could only remember the times when I'd been beaten to a pulp by him and the times when I'd run to my friends and they would take turns to let me couch surf. The times when I'd tried to hold back the hurt but I failed, or I gave in to the manipulation, or manipulated people myself. I was a nasty piece of work back then- he turned me into a monster, and I don't want to be that anymore. I'm not gonna take the bullshit.

I shuffled out and skipped lunch, next stop, lecture hall 4. I just wanted to get home and forget about the day and lose myself in Caspar but I couldn't. I'd taken enough days off; I was walking silently through the rows in the hall. Thankfully, I was early so there was plenty of room. Then the tannoy shrilled: "Could Pippa Woodley make her way to reception please? It's urgent." The familiar voice of the receptionist said. I sighed, turning and heading back to the office. I rounded the corner and found the office at the end of the corridor. "Pippa?" the receptionist called. "Yes?" I replied, "Ah, these case studies just arrived for you along with these lilies, from a secret admirer of yours, is it?" she questioned. "Oh, there's nothing secret about this! Thank you though!" I blushed, stepping forward and picking them up. I quickly buried the case studies in my satchel and gathered the three lilies together in one hand; they were clasped together with a satin ribbon and a note securely tucked inside. I read: "I love you, Caspar X" I smiled, remembering how much I missed him and how important he was to me. Why was I so concerned about Alek? I couldn't get Alek out of my mind though, he's just a boy: I kept telling myself. Why do I care so much?

*The next afternoon*

I entered the same lecture hall at roughly 11.45 am, for part 2. Reluctantly, I sat down, pulling out my pens and felt relatively comfortable until I spied Alek walking in, two girls with him, one on each arm. He wondered in further and not to my surprise sat down right behind me, immediately putting his foot on the back of my chair. Then, leaning into my neck he whispered"Hello old friend". I immediately tensed up and whipped out my phone to text Caspar. I texted him to talk and ignore Alek for the rest of the lecture. By 1:15 I was packing up and ready to leave when Alek whistled at me from a few rows away. I barely had the will to even look at him but slowly I turned around to see him wink at me. Ugh. Disgusted, I grunted, turning away again to leave. He jumped up too and raced over to me and passed me, pinching my bum on his way out, as the bell rang. I stood there; astounded that I just let him get away with harassment. I knew he was just back to hurt me again. He makes me sick. Everyone exited the hall, Alek walking ahead. Swarms of students spilled out into the corridors and I just stood there: horrified and pissed off. Once I'd gathered the courage, I marched away, the tears welled up in my eyes and I was ready to snap but I knew I could go to Caspar. I didn't see him last night due to the fact that I was here so late studying in the Computer suite. By 1:35 I was walking out of the gates to the university; on my way to Caspar's place when I looked up and saw him Caspar waiting for me in the backstreets, with a spare hoodie. My face lit up...

I ran to him, swinging my arms. Caspar grinned at me from a distance. As I approached him he handed me a flask. "Hot chocolate. Me. You. Beach. Now?" he asked, smiling and winking simultaneously. I laughed. "Are you asking or telling?"

"Telling! Let's go." He chuckled, and we caught the bus into Brighton centre to find the beaches. It was an hour bus since Brighton is right out of the way of London. We sat on the top deck, right at the back in hoodies and beanies. Like a couple of kids. We put our feet up on the back of the seats and were listening to Katy Perry music, an earphone each. And Caspar had pulled out a lollipop from his bag; and we were sharing it. Taking it in turns to lick it. I was closest to the window and as our breath condensated on the sticky window of the bus I drew a small heart with my finger; entwining the letters C and P. I then stared at Caspar, smiling at his eyes and his smile, his cheeks, his Adam's apple. I felt so in love... not like a stroppy, hormonal and impulsive teenage crush. I felt really properly and maturely in love. I realized I'd only ever felt a lust for other boys, not Caspar. I really loved him. He laughed and pulled me in closer, so close I could smell him again. I loved it. My head was resting on his shoulder and he had his arm around me, protectively. 10 more minutes later, we arrived at the beaches... it was significantly darker at this point but that just made it more exciting. We stepped out into the atmosphere of the city. Sirens and pedestrian crossings, the whistle of the harsh winds and the glow of the eerie street lights...

Caspar took me under his arm and we strolled towards the beach, hand in hand, heads together, hearts together. The sound of the sea racing in and out of the shore. It was cold, the air nipped at my nose and ears and sent chills down my spine. "Pippa. I love you so, so much. You make me the happiest boy ever." He said, stopping and turning to face me. I kissed him on the cheeks and he kissed me back on the forehead. "I love you too Caspy. There's actually something I need to tell you though" I started. Caspar's eyes widened. "You're not pregnant again, are you?" he questioned; I broke into a smile. "No!" I laughed it off. He became at ease, shifting weight on his feet and squinting into my eyes. "Then what is it?" he asked. "A long time ago; before I met you actually – I hooked up with this boy, and we used to hang out getting wasted and stuff. And it was fun at first. Then it became compulsive. Drinking almost every day, even when I didn't want to and the more we did the more it got to him and he became more violent. He started to abuse me, physically, sexually and emotionally but-"Caspar interrupted, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists tightly. "But after a year or so, I broke up with him and got counselling and therapy for it and I'm better and it was all a long time ago, okay?" I mentioned, taking deep breaths. "Well, I'm here for you now and that prick won't hurt you anymore. What that got to do with anything though?" he asked, hugging me. "That's the thing – I saw him today and yesterday in the canteen and my lecture hall. He's in a couple of my classes as well." I finished. Caspar started up again but I stopped him. I decided it wasn't a good idea to tell him what Alek did in the lecture hall. I could control it. Caspar's face melted. The seagulls crowed and flew on above us. I sighed again, my eyes watering as the wind blew harshly in my direction. "Well, tomorrow I'm gonna walk you to Uni and that fucker can piss off. I'll keep you under my arm long enough for him to see that you are my girl and that you're untouchable. Okay?" he finished. I half-smiled and hugged him; I hid my face but our ears pressed together and his hair tickled the side of my face. "Okay" I said into his shoulder. Everything was gonna be okay. Caspar pulled away and we walked down the promenade next to the beach, looking at the stars and sipping hot chocolate and talking nonsense.

*8 am in the morning*

The alarm buzzed violently at 8 o clock sharp. I whipped round and slammed my hand down on the alarm and it stopped. Caspar groaned next to me and rolled round, squinting at me. "Morning" he grunted. "Morning!" I replied; getting out of bed and I left him wondering if he would keep his word about following me to Uni. Last night, we came back to his and just slept in bed like husband and wife.

*An hour later*

Eventually, I started walking down Bunting Street, hand in hand with Caspar Lee, heading for university. We didn't talk, we didn't need to – we were comfortable in each other's silence. "Caspar." I said, tensing up. My voice was barely a whisper. We rounded the corner and now were stood facing the gates of my university. I squeezed Caspar's arm. "What?" he replied, sharpened to my concerns. "That's him. But don't make a scene" I said, putting my back to Alek and facing Caspar. I motioned to the bike shed where Alek stood with the two girls from yesterday, smoking some kind of illegal blunt I suspected. Caspar began to make towards him. I pushed him back though. Or tried. Caspar dodged me and ran, I ran after and jumped in front of him. "Caspar! You can't! You won't be let in to the uni, trust me!" I said, raising my voice. He calmed down now, we exhaled deeply. "I want to as well, trust me!" I warned, looking him deeply in his eyes. He looked past me at Alek who pulled a face back and stuck his middle finger up at us. We did the same. "Go home. I'll see you at two!" I said, Caspar pulled me close to him and kissed me passionately. Asserting dominance in front of Alek but I laughed. "Go!" I instructed him, pointing away. He turned and blew a kiss to me, swaggering away. He walked swiftly, anger evident in his stride. I made my way into Uni to find my first lecture hall. After all, the bell had gone. This time Alek grabbed a seat in front of me. I ignored him and continued note taking until the lecturer turned the projector off and set a deadline for an essay. The hall groaned and students reluctantly noted this down. I stared at Alek, tempted to kick him in the head but I resisted. The bell went again and I got up to leave. "So... your impulsive boyfriend is 'obsessed' with me now.." Alek commented. I rolled my eyes. "Don't bother." I said again walking away, he ran after and whirled me round. I exclaimed. "Fine. I won't but I know you're with Caspar. Does he beat you too? You just can't get enough can you? Whore." Alek said. I bit my tongue and grit my teeth. Just walk away. I walked away from him but he caught me by the elbow and pinched it, gripping on so that I couldn't let go. "Let go" I said, firmly. But he didn't. "You're hurting me!" I said, making a scene. I yanked my arm out of his hold and swiftly fled the hall in search of a place to hide. He followed me. I stepped out into the light of the corridor and using my peripheral vision noticed a person at the side. But before I had time to see who it was, Alek stepped out and the stranger leapt on him. Punching him. I twisted round and saw that Caspar was assaulting him! Blood everywhere! Alek broke away quickly with a split lip. My jaw dropped and I made a double-take at the stranger. It was definitely Caspar! Caspar pulled me away from Alek but Alek took one look at him and charged again. I had to break them up and did which meant I got involved in the fight too. They finally separated. Caspar was unharmed, however Alek was leaking blood from his face; wiping his nose with the back of his hand and blood smeared all across his face. All of a sudden, people rushed to the scene to find out what on earth was going on. Alek was dragged away and Caspar and I legged it down the corridor to escape the scene. We were so close to the exit when a teacher swung round from nowhere and blocked our escape. "Head's office please." He instructed. Caspar and I exchanged glances before reluctantly obeying orders and sauntering away to the office. "This is ridiculous; I'm 20 and I'm being issued a detention!" he said, joking. I followed him into the office and hastily sat down in front of Mr. Golightley. The head. "Phillipa. You and your friend, no matter who you are, are suspended for a week. We do not tolerate violence here. You know that." He simply said and we left suddenly, standing up almost as soon as we sat down. That was that. We rose up but Caspar looked miffed. "Leave it Caspar..." I said warmingly – so we left and returned to Caspar's dig.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

*Back at Caspar's*

"I'm really sorry Phillipa." He said, cuddling me on the sofa. I grunted. "It's alright, I know you were just trying to look out for me" I replied, nodding. Caspar exhaled and put his head in his hands. "I've ruined it" he said, "No you haven't" I argued, not expecting this. He looked at me, hopeful. I smiled, laughed and kissed him.

*A week later – Monday morning – At university – 2nd break*

I finished my cappuccino discarded it into the bin as I made my way to the toilet. I pushed into a cubicle and checked my phone as I dealt with myself - I had 6 texts from Caspar. Typical. When I exited; I plugged my music in and wiped my hands down with a wet wipe. I ambled round the corner and was suddenly shoved against a wall violently and a boy put his hand up my skirt. I figured it was Alek but no one was around to help so I kicked him in the balls and pushed him away. I was half expecting this. He ran back and crushed me against the wall, I couldn't breathe until I kneed him again in the stomach and when I got the chance I ran away. What the hell!? Alek didn't chase me, but I casually signed out anyway when I made it to the office and decided to find Caspar again.

I pushed in the door, it was cold. "Phillipa? Is that you?" he called. "Pippa?" he asked again, I slammed the door behind me and fell onto the couch, fed up. Caspar rushed in, topless and dressed waist-down in a towel; he'd obviously just got out of the shower. "Babe? You're back early?" he said, I looked up at him, his hair was wet and dripping, it stuck up in all directions but I was too angry to laugh. "Was Alek there?" Caspar questioned, joining me on the sofa. I sat up with him and took off my coat; "Caspar. He assaulted me again; in the toilet but I got away and signed out quickly..." I said, fixing my hair. Caspar stood up abruptly. "Are you kidding?" Caspar complained, scratching his matte but cute hair. "No, why would I?" I asked, shocked and I broke into tears. "Right. That's it." Caspar confirmed. He walked over to the telephone; wasting no time and dialled a number. "What are you doing?" I asked him, wary. "Hello? Yes, I'd like to order a restraint please – for a Phillipa Woodley against a Mr. Alek Uppleby please?" Caspar spoke into the phone, I rolled my eyes and Caspar raised his eyebrows at me. "20 Bunting Street Apartment 1; at a Wilson University please. Thank you. Goodbye" he lastly said, putting the phone down.

*The next day*

Caspar insisted that he attended all of my lectures but I wasn't having it. I wanted to go alone and look independent and was reluctant to bring Caspar since I knew a few people who watched him and no doubt he would be held up by fans everywhere. I just didn't fancy being hassled for stuff all day. So I told Caspar 'no'. But Caspar wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. "Pippa! Don't you dare, I'm coming with you I need to look out for you!" he responded, raising his eyebrows. I gave up and pulled my scarf a little tighter – dreading having to step out into the cold, morning air. It looked bright but chilly, the scene was crisp and frosted in, the trees were still and no wind blew.

We arrived at the University, this time there were more teachers about to watch out for assault in the grounds, and Caspar stuck close by me. We weren't given any suspicious looks and to my surprise no one asked for photos or pushed papers at us either. The next few weeks were easier... No sign of Alek.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

*6 months down the line 9th October*

"Caspar? Are you ready?" I called from my room, making finishing touches. I was ready. Joe quickly ran into my room half-dressed; "Pippa? Which tie, Red? Or black?" he asks, eagerly. I turned to fully face him. "Urmmm... black?" I said, pointing at the black tie. He didn't reply, he just ran out of my room; pulling his trousers up behind him on his way out. Tonight was the premiere for Spud 3! I was invited as Caspar's date. I packed my essentials in my white clutch bag and bumped into Zoe in the hall, she was lecturing Alfie on his shoes. "Alfalfa! Are you ready?" She asked, I noticed Jade standing with Marcus at the side and I waved to them from a distance before leaving to find Caspar. It was so noisy that I couldn't hear myself think. Busy, busy, busy!

*In the cab*

We rumbled along in the long, black, shiny cab which halted right in front of our own red carpet. My head was a whirlwind of emotions and Caspar was occupied and I was so proud of Caspar but at the same time I was nervous of what the press would make of me. First, Alfie, Zoe, Marcus, Jade, Jim, Tanya, Gabby, Louis, Louise and Joe made their way through the red carpet. We could hear the roar of fans struggling to see them, and we could see the others waving and smiling at the crowds – some of them taking selfies with people as well. In a minute Troye, Caspar and I would be motioned out. Since Troye and Caspar were the stars and Caspar was my date I was deemed entrance with Caspar. Then, finally, we were called out and suddenly the roar grew even louder; Caspar stepped out with Troye greeting his fans and smiling. The paparazzi snapping away like crazy. Caspar waved at everyone before turning to help me out of the cab, offering me a hand. I took a deep breath trying not to feel anxious before stepping out and standing straight in front of the crowds. We walked along the red carpet slowly and with control. Suddenly, crowds of paparazzi, interviews and die-hard fans ran in our direction and followed us along. I suddenly grew more confident when I waved back, getting the hang of smiling at the right time and fluffing my hair out. Straining to get a look at us, photographers snapped away about 10 photos a second! I posed with Caspar, his arm round my waist when he did something unexpected. He thrust his lips into mine and the crowd screamed even louder – I didn't think it was possible. I melted inside, my senses became occupied but not completely. The crowds whooped and wolf-whistled, it seemed to get the crowd's attention.

I pulled away, patting down my black dress with lace climbing up my neck and down my arms, my hair hung in long brown, familiar curls. I batted my eyelashes back at Caspar who blew me a kiss as he took my hand and led me on from the paparazzi. The night became a blur, all I could take in was the constant click of cameras and bright lights in my face...


End file.
